VIDEO
My parents were separated from the age of eight and were very violent towards each other and me and my other siblings. I had many abusive stepdads from a young age. From as young as I could remember I just always wanted to escape. This led me to a life of complete instability, no matter where I was or who I was with I never felt safe, loved or accepted. I remember having suicidal thoughts at the age of eight, and at the age of ten, I started drinking… I was suffering with major anxiety attacks and found myself calling the Kids Helpline. Sadly, despite child safety reports, school concerns and reporting incidents to the police, I never received the help I needed and deserved as a child.
As a teenager I found love in all the wrong places… I got pregnant at the age of sixteen… he was physically violent. We broke up a couple of times and officially when my daughter was six months old.
I really struggled being a single mum, I had gone back to school at the time in attempt to finish grade 12. I ended up dropping grade 12 as I wasn’t able to find flexible child minding. I was struggling financially, drinking a lot more and had become manic, struggling with suicidal tendencies. I knew that I wasn’t doing my best as a parent however I didn’t reach out for help as I was scared that if I did child safety would take my baby. I soon learnt from working with BYS that wouldn’t be the case if I made some changes.
Soon after this I entered another abusive relationship that went on for three or so years… Leaving that relationship was really tough. I jumped in my car with my daughter and a few of our belongings and couch-surfed with family, friends and lived out of my car for a year or so. The COVID pandemic was in full swing at this time and finding housing or even available hotels was tough. I dealt with a lot of abuse from people who would let me sleep at their homes. Even though I had left this man I had found myself still visiting him in hopes that we could work it out. When visiting him however he was much more violent.
I always tried to be as quiet as possible in hopes that my daughter wouldn’t hear what was going on. I now realise that my baby daughter was also staying quiet so she would be invisible. Of all the horrible things he did, the one that stayed with me the most was when he punched me in the car as I was driving and my daughter in the back seat yelled “Don’t hurt my mummy!”. She wasn’t even three at this time and she wasn’t much of a talker back then so hearing this from her was gut wrenching. I never wanted my daughter to experience the nightmare I went through growing up and I knew I needed to change.
After a family member sent me to hospital due to a mental breakdown, I talked to a social worker there and was able to get into transitional housing… I broke down and told them everything. They referred me on to Brisbane Youth Service… I joined a young women’s group run by BYS that helps women learn about self-understanding and healthy relationships… There were many other eye-opening things that I learnt…
I was referred to Young Families support worker, my guardian angel, Renee… Our sessions would vary from many topics, mental health, self-reflection, self-care… I had many breakdowns and setbacks in this time, however Renee was always there to get me back on my feet. I never felt judged by her…
I was then successful in getting a housing commission home. Soon after, Renee was then promoted, I was then referred onto Young Families worker Laura. As I was navigating a new five-month-old relationship, Laura was able to help me trust my instincts and pick up on red flags. I was then able to leave the relationship before it ever got physically violent. Laura has been taking weekly sessions with my daughter doing play therapy and my daughter has significantly improved in her behavioural outbursts. Laura has been able to help me reflect and find strategies to best navigate through some of my daughter’s problematic behaviours and challenges. We have started Circle of Security, which is a parenting program that helps parents understand children’s connection to them and attachment needs. Everything I have learnt has been eye-opening and so helpful.
Now that my daughter has received extra support, it has made it possible to focus on work and study goals. I am now studying a Certificate IV in Mental Health, and I work part-time as an Age and Disability Support Worker. I am still receiving BYS services, and I know when it’s time to end I’ll have the skills to tackle life’s hurdles thanks to them.