He had four other kids, so me and my sister felt forgotten about. By the time I was 16, I decided it was better to leave. But if I did, my mum said I couldn’t come back.
From then on, I was homeless. It was so hard for me to find housing, but I did everything I could – from looking at houses to calling services for help. I was a teenager jumping through hoops trying to get my foot in the door, but an older couple would always get the house instead. I ended up couch surfing with my boyfriend in his grandparents’ shed. Winters were freezing, summers were brutal, and without a fridge or anywhere to store food, I had to rely on takeaway. Sometimes I’d run out of money by the end of the week, even by the end of the day. It was that bad.
After a few years, we moved to the country and got our own place. Unfortunately, he was financially abusive. He controlled everything. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and left. At 20, I fell pregnant. My partner went to prison when I was just ten weeks along, so I was doing it all alone. I stayed with one of his friends, but it never felt secure. One day, I was told I had a week to leave; the next it was two days. I was constantly on edge.
That’s when I connected with Brisbane Youth Service (BYS). Housing was tight, but they offered me options. I also told them about something that had weighed on me for years: changing my last name before my daughter was born. My mum had given me my stepdad’s last name and put him on my birth certificate. I didn’t want my daughter stamped with my abuser’s name. BYS helped me change it. I was so shocked they could even help – it meant so much to me.
At the same time, I chose to accommodate myself in a shared unit above my uncle so I could use that address for my partner’s parole. But as soon as he got out, things went downhill fast. Later, another service provider moved me and my daughter to Gladstone where we finally had our first ever house. I felt stable. But after almost two years, a privacy breach forced us to move back to Brisbane. Having to basically restart my whole life again was so hard. I immediately reconnected with BYS because I had nowhere to go. An Intake worker got me into a hotel.
At first, I was given a room, but because of my cleanliness, I got moved to one of the back units with my own kitchen, lounge room, and bedroom. It wasn’t too bad, but police or ambulances would show up multiple times. It didn’t feel like a safe space, especially for a child. Living in a hotel wasn’t normal and my daughter knew it too. Even now, she’s like, “Oh, the hotel…” because I mentioned going on a holiday, and she thought I meant living in one again. I’m like, “No, sweetie. This is the fun kind of hotel!”
During my early days, I had to decide what to do with my stuff in Gladstone. I’d worked so hard to make our last house feel like home for my daughter, and I knew that if I had to sell everything it would be a huge setback for me. I said to myself, “No, I’ve done this too many times, and I really don’t want to do this again.” BYS helped me move my belongings back, which meant the world to me.
That’s when I joined the SAGE group at BYS. It gives mums their own time while the kids are looked after. It was nice to have time for myself, to reflect on things I’ve been through, and to realise I’m not the only one. I’m not the only one who’s accepted so little from people or not enough.
The program taught me about boundaries and safe connections – like building a “healthy house” with walls, doors, and windows. A lot of people don’t have boundaries within their families, and SAGE helped me see that family boundaries are just as important as romantic ones.
Then one day, I got the call from the Department of Housing. I couldn’t believe it. I asked the lady on the phone, “Why me?” She just said, “It’s your turn. Don’t question it.” That same day, my daughter and I got the keys. I still have a photo of her standing in front of the house. Stable housing changed everything.
I finally had a safe place for me and my daughter. Her school is amazing, and she’s learning so much. Her educators even call her “The Kind Helper” because, I guess, being a single mum and doing everything myself, she’s been helping me from the start.
I have also rebuilt my relationship with my dad. We’re like two peas in a pod. It’s funny because I’m basically the female version of him and do everything the way he does, even though he didn’t raise me. But we’ve gotten there, and it’s been a journey.
The transition hasn’t come without its challenges. Sometimes I catch myself reverting to my routine when I was in survival mode, like always being at my partner’s or dad’s place. But why? I have my own house now! So, I guess I’m still dealing with the impact from all I’ve been through and doing the same habits and patterns even though I don’t have to now. But recently, I’ve just stayed at home. Because I can. That’s where the freedom starts. It took this long to get here. To get to a point where I feel like I can breathe.
Until I had my daughter, I didn’t know I had this strength inside me. She gave me a lot of what I’ve got now. Even though it was probably always secretly there, I just didn’t know it. She gave me the strength to let go. I want her to be a strong woman. Not to back down when people tell her she’s wrong. But also, to be aware that she can be wrong sometimes, too. And that we can learn from that. It’s not shameful to be wrong or to be in the wrong. You can learn from those things. There have been plenty of times that I’ve been wrong and put myself into situations I could’ve avoided.
But I’ve learnt from it. One hundred per cent. I just want her to be a happy, independent woman. Now life feels different. I’m rebuilding myself. I want to start working soon, even just part-time. BYS is helping me get my licence, and I’m excited to get my Ps and eventually get a car.
I think doubt is one of the biggest things. If you doubt yourself, you can’t trust yourself. And if you can’t trust yourself, you can’t make the right decisions. I used to put myself down so much until I realised that you can actually change a lot with just the words you tell yourself. I’ve come a long way – from becoming homeless at 16 to raising my daughter in a stable home. I finally feel equal to my peers. And I know this is just the beginning.
*Young person’s name and image has been changed to protect their identity.
